


Stay Awake

by Violetrayofsunshine



Category: Critical Role (Web Series), Dungeons & Dragons (Roleplaying Game), Dungeons & Dragons - All Media Types
Genre: Beau cares more than they think she does, Beau learns how to people, Canon Backstory, Canon-Typical Violence, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family Fluff, Found Family, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Nott is a perfect little gremlin and I would die for her, Nott treats Caleb like a dumb baby bird, Platonic Cuddling, Sleepovers, Sleepy Cuddles, Team Human, The Author Regrets Everything, mlm/wlw solidarity, the mighty nein - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-09
Updated: 2018-07-09
Packaged: 2019-06-07 17:24:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15224105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Violetrayofsunshine/pseuds/Violetrayofsunshine
Summary: Caleb tells the Mighty Nein the story of how he and Nott first met.Set in some nebulous time period post-Zadash and pre-episode 25.





	Stay Awake

“Stay awake, don’t rest your head. Don’t lie down upon your bed. While the moon drifts in the skies, stay awake, don’t close your eyes. Though the world is fast asleep, though your pillow's soft and deep…you’re not sleepy as you seem, stay awake…don’t nod, and dream.”

The song was short, so Caleb repeated it over and over, slowing it down each time, until he was sure Nott had fallen asleep. She lay curled on her side, her head resting on his thigh. Nott didn’t have a pillow like most children who heard the song did, but Caleb tried his best to be an adequate substitute. He gently stroked her hair once her breathing had evened out, and tried not to think about the future...unsuccessfully.

 

It had been several months now, as far as he could tell. Caleb was surprised to have lived this long, and knew that wouldn’t have been the case without Nott. He had been basically catatonic when he’d first been thrown into their cell. At first, she was terrified of him. Despite his skinny frame, Caleb was still much bigger than any goblin. His hair had been wild and long, and he’d been dirty even then. Whatever caused her to decide he would make a better friend than an enemy, Caleb wasn’t sure, but he knew he wouldn’t have made it otherwise – Nott was far more patient than the guards.

 

_“Hey, mister. You gotta get up and eat something. They don’t like it if you waste your food,” she’d said, from the opposite corner of the cell. Caleb had been in such a dissociative state in those first few days; he was surprised he even registered her speaking at all. At first, he’d panicked, but his mind had reached the point of starting to shut down. He couldn’t take another cage. The prison reminded him too much of the asylum, and he knew he wouldn’t be able to escape like that twice. He was numb and beginning to give up on life. His desire for revenge on Trent Ikithon suddenly seemed far away, like it was some other person’s problem. He had no way to track the man down now, and he had no other reason left to live. Caleb’s body felt like it belonged to someone else._

_It didn’t feel like it later that day, when the guard opened the door to reveal his untouched plate of moldy food. It wasn’t as though anyone else could have used the food, so Caleb didn’t understand what all the fuss was over. Maybe the guards just wanted an excuse to punish him. Some of them didn’t need an excuse._

_Afterwards, he rolled onto his side to avoid putting pressure on new bruises and tried to sleep, ignoring the lamp-like yellow eyes that watched him from the corner. The next day, the same thing happened. Caleb didn’t put up a fight; he was waiting to die. The door slammed shut, and Caleb didn’t have a side without bruises anymore. He cracked his one good eye open at the sound of scraping metal. The little goblin was eating from his plate. She caught his eye when he looked up, and slowly held out a hunk of bread to him. Caleb had been without food for so long that he didn’t feel hungry anymore. He turned away again, and didn’t look back._

_The next afternoon when the guard came to collect the plates, he looked shocked to find them both clean. Caleb was in the same place he’d been yesterday, and didn’t bother to lift his head. Surprisingly intuitive, the guard glared._

_“You ate it, didn’t you, you little grubby monster,” he snarled. The goblin tried to make herself, if possible, even smaller. The guard stepped into the cell and pulled her hair, forcing her to make eye contact with him. “Will you eat his corpse, too?” he chuckled darkly to himself and pushed her away, hard. He aimed a kick at Caleb’s ribs on his way out, grabbed the plates, and closed the door with a loud clang. Caleb turned to squint at the goblin in the darkness, and could just make out her huddled, shaking form. For the first time in a long time, Caleb felt a pang of guilt that had nothing to do with fire._

_The next morning, when their food was shoved in, the goblin didn’t retreat immediately after snatching her plate. She hesitated, hunched over about two feet away from Caleb. He knew he couldn’t pretend to be asleep forever, so he eventually opened his eyes and looked up at her, not moving from his prone position on the floor. She tore a piece of bread in two, offering him the bigger chunk. When he didn’t move, the goblin held up her piece and ate it, her eyes never leaving his. Then she offered him the bigger piece again. When Caleb still made no move to reach for it, she reached forward and set it on his chest. Bemused, Caleb picked it up and put it back on the plate._

_The goblin was nothing if not persistent. She took the bread hunk from the other plate and tried again; first offering it to him, then demonstrating herself, then offering again. Caleb watched her for a moment, then turned his head away. Another minute passed, and then he was startled by several tiny pieces of bread landing on his chest. He raised his head to find her watching him, completely still. Caleb lifted himself up by his elbows, the bread crumbs falling down a bit further. He scooped them up and held them out to her, only for the goblin to scramble away from him and back to her corner. Caleb shrugged and placed them back on the plate, then sat back and leaned against the wall, resting his chin on his chest._

_Caleb wasn’t sure how much time passed, but it was enough for him to start to fall asleep, his mouth falling partially open. He nearly jumped out of his skin when he felt something brush his lips. The goblin, undeterred by his earlier refusals, was gently placing a tiny piece of bread directly into his mouth. She shrank back as soon as he opened his eyes, but didn’t scurry all the way back to the other side of the room; she merely backed up by about a foot and stared at him. It was one of the strangest encounters he’d ever had - and he’d spent more than a decade in an actual asylum._

_By that point, it would take more effort_ not _to eat the bread than to eat it, and it was such a tiny piece, that Caleb just swallowed it. The goblin nodded encouragingly, and pushed the plate toward him. Caleb wasn’t sure to what lengths the goblin would go, but he decided he would rather eat by himself than find strange green fingers in his mouth later. Perhaps if he finished the bread on the plate, the creature would be satisfied. Slowly, without looking up, he ate the rest of the crumbs, half hoping the goblin would lose interest eventually._

_He chanced a peek upward to find her huge eyes still locked on his face. No such luck. His eyes shot back down to the floor and stayed there. Caleb pushed the plate away and returned to his side of the cell: back against the wall, head down, arms folded and resting on his knees._

_This time when the guard returned, he noticed the plate closer to Caleb, as well as the stray crumbs on his clothes._

_“Finally decided you wasn’t too good for the food?” he sneered. Caleb nodded without lifting his eyes. The guard snatched up the plates and left, throwing another glare in the goblin’s direction but not trying to hurt either of them._

_The next day started out the same way, but Caleb put a stop to it when the goblin started to hand feed him again, holding up a palm. He wasn’t even sure how to begin, but he felt the need to say…_ something _._

_“_ Was _…what are you doing?” he rasped, his voice hoarse from disuse. The goblin cocked her head._

_“…you have to eat your food,” she said, as if this was very obvious. Her voice was high and scratchy; she probably hadn’t spoken much either recently. Caleb frowned._

_“But why do you care?” he asked. The goblin hesitated for a long moment before answering, looking off to the side and wringing her hands._

_“Well, um…I don’t really want to be stuck in here with a dead person,” she mumbled. Caleb’s eyes widened in surprise. He didn’t know what he’d been expecting, but it wasn’t that. He also wasn’t sure if she was being entirely honest. However, he let it go._

_“I suppose that’s as good a reason as any,” he conceded. Caleb didn’t have a decent response for her. He was ready to die, whether that was via starvation or the guards going too far with their punishments, it didn’t matter much to him. It seemed like the sort of thing you weren’t supposed to bring up in polite conversation, though. Instead, he asked her name._

_“My name is…Nott,” the goblin replied, sounding embarrassed._

_“Not what?” Caleb asked._

_“No, that’s it. Nott. My name. Nott is me,” she explained._

_“Oh. That’s a…nice name,” Caleb said, placating. It wasn’t as if he knew any other goblin names with which to compare._

_“No, it isn’t,” Nott said sadly, rubbing her arms. “I got it because I’m not a real goblin. Not strong, or fast, or smart. I’m…not good at anything.”_

_“I don’t think that’s true,” Caleb said. “You’re very good at being kind.” His human eyes couldn’t see her face in the dark, but Nott let out a harsh, humorless laugh._

_“You wouldn’t say that if you’d seen…never mind. I’ve hurt people…before. It was the one job I could do,” Nott said quietly. Caleb didn’t have a good answer for that, and he got the feeling she didn’t want to elaborate._

_“That may be, but…you have still shown me more kindness than any of the humans in this town,” Caleb said._

_“What did you do to get stuck in here?” Nott asked, intrigued. Caleb hesitated._

_“I’ve…hurt people too. In the past. It’s a…long story,” he muttered. Something about this goblin had endeared her to him, inexplicably._

_“Really? You don’t look like you could hurt anybody,” Nott said bluntly. Caleb might have been offended if he’d had any pride left. He huffed a laugh._

_“There is more than one kind of strength, little one…and more ways to hurt someone than with fists or blades.”_

_“That’s true. There’s poison, too!” Nott said, brightening a bit. Caleb was beginning to realize there was absolutely no predicting what this goblin would say next. He chuckled._

_“Among other things, yes,” he agreed._

_“Hey, you never told me what your name is,” Nott said. Caleb thought for a moment, debating whether there was any harm in telling her his real name. He came to the conclusion that he was in so much trouble already, Nott was unlikely to be able to get him into any more._

_“Caleb Widogast,” he finally said._

_*****_

Caleb smiled to himself at the memory. He still couldn’t say what it was about Nott that had drawn him to her. Maybe it was the way her whole face lit up when she smiled, her mouth full of jagged teeth; or perhaps the way she’d fed him as though he was a particularly stupid, helpless, baby bird. He’d decided some time ago that it wasn’t important. Some way or another, she’d become his reason for living. Revenge wasn’t enough for him to put food in his mouth; he had no family or friends left in the world who would care if he died. But the idea of leaving Nott alone in this cell was too much for him to bear. Besides that, he had to stick around to protect her. The guards used any excuse to antagonize her, and it made Caleb’s blood boil.

 

As if he’d summoned him by thinking about him, their usual guard opened the cell door abruptly. Nott woke with a jolt, making Caleb grimace. He’d _just_ gotten her to sleep. They both waited silently, knowing that both eye contact and speaking out of turn were considered punishable offenses by the guards. In reality, anything could be a punishable offense.

 

“Oi, monster. My hip flask’s gone missing. What have you done with it?” he asked brusquely. Nott shook her head vigorously. The guard leaned in close. They could smell the alcohol on his rancid breath.

 

“You _sure_ about that?” he leered, pulling her closer to him by her ear. Nott stayed silent.

 

“We haven’t left this cell -” Caleb started to say, but the guard cut him off with a punch to the face, knocking him sideways.

 

“I weren’t asking you,” he growled. With that, he pushed Caleb away and picked up Nott by her tail, eliciting a pained shriek, and started shaking her violently.

 

“Let’s see if you’re hiding anything that don’t belong to you!” he laughed, grabbing her arm and continuing to shake her. Nott tried to wriggle out of his grasp, looking terrified.

 

“She hasn’t stolen anything!” Caleb shouted, getting up and trying to pull her away from the guard. The man became enraged, lifting Nott and throwing her against the opposite wall with a sickening crack. She didn’t move, and Caleb saw red. More guards had gathered outside of their cell at the sound of the commotion. For the first time since his escape from the asylum, Caleb felt flames begin to flicker in his palms, almost of their own accord, and he lifted his hands toward the guards.

 

“I don’t think so, you freak!” the first guard shouted. He made to swing at Caleb with his fists and Caleb blocked them, his hands alight. The guard screamed as Caleb clung on, searing the man’s flesh, and the other guards quickly rushed in to pull Caleb off. They pummeled him with fists and clubs until he was curled up on the ground, his knees drawn up to his chest and his arms covering his head. There was a swift kick to the back of his skull, and Caleb parted ways with consciousness.

 

When he awoke next, he found himself lying on his side with his wrists manacled in front of him. Caleb let out a groan and tried to sit up, but couldn’t balance with his hands in such an odd position and promptly fell back on one shoulder.

 

“Caleb! You’re awake!” came a shrill voice from behind him. Nott moved so that he could see her properly, and gingerly touched his face. As happy as he was to see her alert and talking, he felt his anger returning at the sight of her bruises and bloodied lip. It was hard to tell, but he was afraid one of her teeth had been knocked out.

 

“Are you hurt, my friend?” Caleb asked. Nott shrugged, then winced.

 

“It’s nothing,” she said. “You’re the one who was out for ages!” Caleb was surprised. Normally he could tell exactly how much time had passed, but his head was feeling a bit fuzzy at the moment, and he wasn’t sure.

 

“I’m sorry if you were frightened,” Caleb said. It was awkward because of the cuffs, but he ran his fingers lightly over her arms, checking for broken bones or other injuries. 

 

“I’m okay, Caleb, honest. That was nothing. I’ve had much worse!” she said brightly, trying to reassure him. It didn’t have quite the effect she was hoping for, as Caleb grimaced. She’d never gone into detail about her past with the goblin clan, but Caleb knew it had been less than pleasant. He tried to recall the final moments before he blacked out: Nott being thrown at the wall, summoning the fire, the guards’ fists and feet connecting with his spine.

 

“They must have handcuffed me while we were both unconscious,” Caleb surmised. “I am glad they did not restrain you as well.” He felt a pang of fear at the realization that he’d left Nott unprotected. They could have killed her and he would have been powerless to stop it.

 

“What happened? The guards seem much angrier with us than before,” Nott said nervously, glancing at the door.

 

Caleb suddenly felt an entirely different kind of fear. He had never told Nott about his fire, and until now, he didn’t think the guards knew about it, either. He had told her stories about Frumpkin, and his dancing lights, and being able to disguise himself. Nott loved hearing about magic, and it was another sure way of helping her to fall asleep. But Caleb didn’t know how she would react to hearing about his fire spells and how he’d hurt people with them. It wasn’t something he ever wanted to talk about. Nott had been his first friend since the academy, and he didn’t think he could bear the disgust and rejection in her eyes when she learned what he’d done for the empire. Taking a deep breath, he decided on a compromise.

 

“You know how I told you that I can do magic?” he asked. Nott nodded.

 

“Yes! The magic cat, and the floating lights! You said you would show me if we ever get out of here,” she said eagerly.

 

“Well, I can do…more than that. I can make fire…uh, with my hands. It can stay in my fingers or I can sort of, shoot it at people. Among other things,” Caleb said, gesturing with his bound hands but not meeting her eyes.

 

“That’s amazing, Caleb! But why would that make the guards upset? You didn’t…you didn’t try to burn them, did you?” Nott asked.

 

“ _Ja_ , a little bit. I didn’t mean to, it just sort of happened, when I saw him throw you like that…I’m sorry, Nott, if I put more of a target on your back than was already there,” Caleb said, head down in shame. He was surprised, then, when he felt her tiny hands on either side of his face, tilting his chin up to look at her. Neither of them particularly liked eye contact, so this was unusual for her.

 

“Caleb, you don’t need to be sorry. To be honest, it’s…kind of nice. I don’t think anyone’s ever cared what happened to me before. I just wish you hadn’t gotten hurt because of it,” she said seriously.

 

“But…Nott, you could’ve been hurt even worse. They could have _killed_ you, and I wouldn’t have been able to do anything. I just made them angry! All my magic has ever brought anyone is pain,” Caleb spat, looking away.

 

“But you tried to protect me; that’s what matters. It’s not your fault the guards are all…what was it you said? Arch-lucks?” Nott said. Caleb let out an unexpected laugh.

 

“ _Arschlochs_ , little one, you are right,” he replied with a tired smile. “You should get some rest; you must be exhausted.”

 

“No, I’m not,” she protested, but the yawn that followed said otherwise. Caleb raised an eyebrow at her.

 

“Mm-hmmm,” he hummed, and leaned back against his spot on the wall so that she could lay her head on his lap once again. It was awkward with the chains on his wrists, but he started to slowly stroke her hair like he always did to get her to sleep. To anyone else, Nott might have been able to pretend, but several minutes later, Caleb could tell the girl was still awake.

 

“Would you like me to sing to you again?” he asked her softly. He knew she would never ask him outright.

 

“Please,” she whispered. Caleb smiled, a real one this time. He’d never had any siblings, so he couldn’t say for sure, but he thought this might be what it was like if he had.

 

“Stay awake, don’t rest your head. Don’t lie down upon your bed…”

 

*****

 

They’d had this discussion a few times before, but after the latest incident, Nott wouldn’t give up. She wanted to make an escape attempt, and Caleb wouldn’t hear of it.

 

“They’ll kill us if we try to escape!” Caleb said, for what felt like the hundredth time.

 

“They could kill us if we _don’t_ try to escape!” Nott replied, for what, to her, felt like the millionth time.

 

“We don’t know that for certain,” Caleb said. Nott rolled her eyes.

 

“When do you think we’ll know for certain, Caleb? When the rope is around our necks?” Nott snapped, uncharacteristically vicious.

 

Caleb’s jaw clenched, and he looked away. Nott looked down in shame.

 

“I’m sorry. That…wasn’t nice,” she whispered. Her ears drooped and she was wringing her hands again.

 

“It…was not entirely untrue, though. You’re probably right, Nott, but what if we fail? I could not bear it if something happened to you because of my mistakes,” he said softly.

 

“But if anything happened to me, it wouldn’t be because of you. It would be _my_ choice. I want _out_ of here. Right now, they can come in here and do whatever they like to us, and they could kill us any day. We should try to get out while we have a chance!” Nott said emphatically.

 

Caleb thought for a long moment, his face inscrutable. Nott waited with bated breath, praying he would finally listen to her. As much as she wanted to escape, she couldn’t…or maybe, wouldn’t…do it without Caleb.

 

“…let me think, _ja_? You may have a point. But…we need to have a plan,” he said.

 

“You’ll really think about it?” Nott leapt up, elated.

 

“I will consider it. I want to be sure we have the best chance, if we are to try this,” he answered, not wanting to get her hopes up…to no avail. 

 

“We’re going to be free! We can eat real food again, and get alcohol, and you can show me all of your magic tricks!” Nott grinned from ear to pointy ear, nearly all of her beautifully jagged teeth showing. Despite himself and his worries, Caleb couldn’t help but be cheered by her enthusiasm.

 

“Hush, we mustn’t let anyone hear about this,” he said gently, placing his hands on her tiny shoulders. Remembering herself, Nott bent down, as though that would make her voice carry less.

 

“What do you think we should do? Are we going to burn up the guards?” she asked.

 

“ _Nein_. I would rather not.”

 

“I wouldn’t really mind if you did,” Nott whispered. Caleb’s lips quirked up.

 

“I have…a few ideas, and they do involve magic: possibly the cat you’ve been wanting to meet so much. Most of all, I will need your help,” Caleb whispered.

 

***

 

All things considered, the plan was going better than Caleb could have anticipated. He had called out to Frumpkin, unsure if his familiar would be able to hear or reach him. The orange tabby had then been able to bring them some bits of metal wire for Nott to use to pick first Caleb’s handcuffs, and then their cell door. After that, Caleb lobbed a fireball into the empty adjacent cell, setting the dirty straw alight. He then began to yell for the guards about the fire. This was when he’d expected for them to have to fight their way out, through the guards. But instead, the guards had abandoned them, running away from the flames and leaving their charges to burn. Furious, Caleb released the few other inmates before sneaking away with Nott. He wasn’t sure if anyone would notice their charred bodies weren’t in their old cell, and he didn’t care. The two of them were dirty, barefoot, bruised, covered in soot, and starving, but most importantly, now they were free. 

 

***

 

Caleb looked up from telling his story to the wide eyes of his companions.

 

“Caleb, that’s so cool!” Jester squealed. She looked at him upside down from her position behind him, kneeling on a chair as she braided his hair. He’d stopped trying to argue with her.

 

“That’s pretty bad ass, dude,” Beauregard agreed, leaning back, impressed.

 

“Bad ass!” Kiri chirped brightly.

 

“Honestly, how did you ever survive without Frumpkin?” Mollymauk asked, mostly joking. For a fraction of a second, Caleb and Beau’s eyes met, unnoticed by the others.

 

“Not very easily, to be honest,” Caleb said, trying to joke with him in return.

 

“Frumpkin is very helpful! Even if he is annoying sometimes,” Nott added, stroking the cat in question as he lounged across her lap. He barely fit, but that had never stopped him.

 

“But what happened after that? How did you get money, and food, and real clothes? Did anyone ever come lookin’ for you?” asked Fjord, intrigued. All eyes returned to Caleb.

 

“We survived in the woods for a while, so the clothes were not as important at first. Nott caught small animals and found berries and nuts for us to sustain ourselves, and I made fire to keep us warm. We mostly traveled at night so as not to be seen,” he explained.

 

“…and then we learned how to rob people!” Nott added proudly. Caleb winced.

 

“Well… _ja_ , that did happen a few times. We started to come up with tricks and cons to make some money, and we pulled some things off clotheslines here and there, to replace the prison rags.” He said this more toward the floor than to his friends, afraid to look up and see their reactions.

 

“Caleb, you know we’re not going to judge you, right? Molly and Yasha were in a circus, and I sold my dad’s booze to people for cheap as a kid. Jester…well, Jester mostly just fucks with people, but still. You gotta do what you have to,” Beau said.

 

“Thank you, Beauregard,” Caleb let out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding.

 

The tiny inn they were staying at had been almost full when they arrived, so the Mighty Nein were crowded into one room for the night. Caleb, Fjord, Nott, and Yasha were sitting on the bedrolls that had been spread out across the floor, while Jester, Molly, Beau, and Kiri had agreed to share the bed. It would be a tight fit, but they preferred squeezing together to sleeping on the hard wooden floor. Jester was thrilled at the prospect. Kiri might have been, too, but it was hard to tell. The two of them had still been full of energy, and most of the others hadn’t been tired yet, so they were telling stories about one another. They’d all wanted to hear the full story of Nott and Caleb’s dramatic jailbreak, so he and Nott had regaled them. However, Caleb found that being the center of attention was starting to wear on him. Whether Molly sensed this or just wanted to tell everyone more about his friend, Caleb didn’t know, but he was grateful when the tiefling launched into a wild story about the other times Yasha had used her great-sword as a straight razor. Caleb was content to lean back and let Jester continue playing with his hair. He’d found it unsettling at first, but between the tiefling and the goblin, he found flowers braided into his hair more often than not.

 

Eventually, they decided to call it a night. Caleb set his alarm spell and put out the lights. Yasha slept on the far side of the room; Fjord was sprawled across the middle. Nott cuddled up to Caleb, her head pressed against his chest and her body curled into a tight ball, almost disappearing beneath the bed. Beau was on the side of the bed closest to Caleb, mouth slightly open, one leg hanging off the edge of the mattress with Jester’s tail wrapped around the other one. Kiri was sandwiched between the two tieflings, cooing contentedly in her sleep.

 

He was safe and surrounded by people who cared about him, yet sleep evaded Caleb. The story had dredged up old memories he’d since tried to bury, and his brain kept replaying them as though they’d happened yesterday. He knew that even if he managed to quiet his mind enough to sleep, it would be far from restful. Caleb had had enough nightmares to last a lifetime. He lay awake for quite a while, waiting until he was sure everyone else was asleep, before carefully extricating himself from Nott. He told Frumpkin to stay next to her instead. The goblin found his familiar almost as comforting as he did. Slowly, Caleb crept out of the room, stepping over Fjord and Yasha’s prone forms and leaving the door slightly ajar so as not to make any noise. He wasn’t worried for their safety; if anyone else came into the room, his silver thread would let him know.

 

The fire was still going strong downstairs and it was mostly quiet; Caleb was the only one in the room save for a brooding, cloaked figure in the corner and a half elf who’d passed out over a table by the door. Caleb pulls one of his books out of his coat pocket and sat in a chair by the fire. If anything would calm his racing thoughts, it was reading. He was so engrossed in it that he wasn’t immediately sure how much time had passed when he felt a hand on his shoulder, making him jump.

 

“ _Scheisse!_ Beauregard, what are you doing?” Caleb asked, looking around. The hooded figure was still seated in the corner, but didn’t appear to be paying them much attention; instead, nursing a drink and staring down at their hands. The half elf was now snoring lightly, his mouth agape and drooling. Beau was standing beside his chair, eyeing him with concern.

“I woke up and you were gone. Figured I’d try to find you down here before freaking out anyone else. Why are you up so late?” she said.

“I…wanted to finish this,” Caleb lied. Beau raised a skeptical eyebrow.

“You’ve read that at least twice. You’re going to have to do better than that, bud.”

“I…” Caleb trailed off, hesitating for a moment, before remembering that Beau already knew the worst of his secrets. “I don’t want to sleep right now.”

“You, uh…wanna talk about it?” Beau asked, unsure. Caleb grimaced.

“ _Nein_. Not particularly,” he replied.

“Figured. You been having trouble sleeping…a lot lately?” she inquired, trying to sound nonchalant and failing.

“Not as much as I used to,” Caleb admitted.

“Like when?”

“Uh, before. That is…before Nott,” he said quietly. Beau looked down, uncertain what to say for a moment.

“Well, what did you do to get to sleep then?” she asked. Caleb looked puzzled.

“I just forced myself to stay awake until I blacked out,” he said as though this were obvious. Now it was Beau’s turn to grimace.

“Yeah, that’s…not great. We really need to work on your coping mechanisms,” she said. Caleb looked unimpressed, gesturing to the book in his hand.

“Right, yeah, reading,” Beau said, chewing her bottom lip and thinking hard. “What’s it about?” Caleb’s eyebrow shot up to match her own.

“Magical theory. Transmutation techniques,” he replied, looking suspicious.

“Sounds…exciting?” she said.

“It is quite dully written, actually. Why do you ask?” Caleb inquired. Beau shrugged.

“You know, magic’s just…really interesting! Can you tell me more about it?”

“Beauregard, I appreciate your concern. But I do not need you to babysit me. I will come back upstairs soon, I assure you,” Caleb said, starting to read again.

“Who says I’m concerned? I’m just bored. You’re not the only one who can’t sleep sometimes,” she said defensively. He fixed her with a disbelieving look.

“Okay, you got me. Magic’s kind of…not my thing. But you could tell me about other stuff,” she suggested, pulling out a chair next to him and plopping into it.

“Such as?”

“I don’t know. Uh…what about – how you two got to Trostenwald?” 

“That is a bit of…a long story,” Caleb replied slowly.

“I got time,” Beau shot back, drawing her knees up to her chest and resting her chin on them, giving Caleb an expectant look. He shut the book.

 

***

 

“…so once we were sure we’d lost the beast, we headed for the nearest settlement. I almost passed out once or twice, but we made it to the Trostenwald inn. I fell asleep as soon as I reached the bed, and stayed that way for over a day. Nott was very worried,” Caleb finished sheepishly.

 

“Yeah, I can imagine,” she said with a chuckle. As far as she knew, Caleb still didn’t know how the goblin felt toward him, and Beau wasn’t about to let that cat out of the bag and face her wrath. They sat in silence for a few minutes, each lost in their own thoughts.

“Beauregard, you always claim that you are not one for much conversation, but you have listened to me talk for more than an hour,” Caleb said.

“Yeah? So what?” she said defensively.

“So – why the sudden interest?”

“It was a cool story.”

Caleb crossed his arms and sat back, refusing to dignify that with a response.

“Okay…listen. I thought - earlier, telling everyone about your time in prison might’ve stirred up some shitty stuff in your head. You looked pretty out of it. So I figured, maybe doing the opposite would help?”

“You thought talking about almost getting killed by a _werewolf_ would be better?”

“Well, I didn’t exactly know _that_ part yet!” she said, exasperated. Caleb nodded once, conceding.

“But no, I meant…talking about Nott, and…you know, meeting the rest of the gang. Becoming the Mighty Nein,” Beau’s voice got quieter toward the end of the sentence, less confident.

“I don’t know about everything in your past. But…that’s a good memory for me,” she continued, barely above a whisper. “One of the best.” She was blushing slightly, refusing to meet his eyes.

“It was a -” Caleb started, before being interrupted by a high, reedy voice.

“Caleb?” Nott called as she crept down the stairs. He waved her over.

“What are you doing down here?” she asked, looking suspiciously back and forth at the two of them. Caleb and Beau exchanged a glance before answering.

“Just talking about, uh, human stuff,” the monk said brusquely, standing up.

“I was…explaining some things to Beauregard, nothing important,” Caleb elaborated more gently when Nott began to pout, replacing his book into his pocket.

“He’s got a big gooey crush on Jester and he needed some advice. But don’t tell anybody,” Beau whispered loudly as she headed upstairs. Caleb glared, contemplating the wisdom of sending a magic missile at her back.

“Do not listen to her, Nott, she is full of shit,” he muttered, shaking his head.

“I hope so, because I don’t think Jester would be interested,” Nott said apologetically. Caleb grimaced, reconsidering the magic missile.

“Are you alright? Really?” Nott asked, tilting her head in concern.

“I am fine, little one, I promise. I wasn’t ready to sleep quite yet. Let’s go back to bed,” he assured her, leading her to their room by the hand.

Careful not to wake anyone, they tiptoed back to their spot on the floor, Nott settling into her usual position nestled into Caleb’s chest. She bunched some of the fabric of his shirt into her fist so that he couldn’t leave again without him waking her. In their absence, Frumpkin had taken up residence on top of Molly’s chest. Beau was already tucked into the bed on the far side closest to them, eyes closed and her left arm in Jester’s grip like a teddy bear, but Caleb knew she couldn’t be asleep that quickly.

Waiting until Nott’s breathing slowed and evened out, he whispered, “It was a good memory for me too, Beau.”

She reached over with her free hand and ruffled his hair, then lightly punched him on the shoulder.

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfic ever. It might be the first part of a series if I ever finish the next one. 
> 
> If you noticed the song Caleb sings is from Mary Poppins, you get a cookie! This fic initially came from me listening to that song and imagining him singing it to Nott...it got sort of out of hand from there. 
> 
> Comments and kudos appreciated!
> 
> (For the love of all that is good in the world, someone please explain how formatting works on this website)


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